Socializing as a new mama

I had such big plans for my 12 weeks of maternity leave. I was going to be out strutting my stuff on the boardwalk, going shopping, having lunch dates ect. I will say I have done each of those plus more but far less than I wanted.

To be honest going out with my sweet girl is a blast. Although she wont remember or enjoy it like I can, I will always remember our first outings. I love taking her places and showing her off/ being a confident mom. I’ve heard some comments about how shes too young to be going out or that I am a really ambitious mom. Some get nervous about taking new babies out into the world. I am NOT that mom. We will be exploring all this world has to offer from the very start. We don’t know how long we have on this earth and I’m sure as hell not going to waste my time waiting for the “right time”. Since my maternity leave has been over the summer months, we decided to take our little babe to the water park. I had such fun buying her a bathing suit, a sun hat, a fan to connect to her stroller, a flamingo floaty with a canopy on top. I am that ridiculous mom. My child was styling and safe from the sun. We sat with her in the kiddie pool for 5 mins maximum at a time and then floated in the lazy river for a couple rounds. I fully believe that sometimes the experiences are just as much for you as a parent as they will be for your child. We took pictures to look back on and to show her when shes older. I want her to know mama was wanting her to live her best life from the day she was born.

Most days I would force myself to get out of the house. Its so easy to fall into the routine of staying in bed and never changing out of my pajamas until 10PM when I finally showered for the day. Keeping up with house work, continuing to be a wife, and then trying to get a handle of being a mom is about 3 full time jobs. When I would force myself to get out of the house however, I always thanked myself for doing so. It was refreshing. Other times of course the little babe would have other plans in mind. When things are planned sometimes they get cancelled. Babies have cranky days or in my case can tend to spit up often. Sometimes staying home is easier.  Looking back on my maternity leave I guess I could say I did more than I thought.  Shopping, lunches, the boardwalk, the water-park, the state fairs. I take it back, I accomplished a lot and don’t regret a thing.

For other new mamas out there, Id say go at your own pace. Do what YOU are comfortable with. Each day will be different as babes will keep you on your toes with their wants and needs. Don’t let the opinions of others stop you from doing what you want with YOUR baby. Its hard as a new mom to be confident with your decisions especially in a world where others are always watching and thinking they know it all. My saving grace has been knowing damn well I am capable and know my limitations. As long as you aren’t harming your child don’t be afraid to enjoy life as you would have before. Life doesn’t stop because we decided to have babies. Sure, socializing is more difficult and requires a survival suitcase for your little one everywhere you go,  but that little one only makes these adventures better.

I struggled with socializing before ever procreating. I’m just not a social butterfly that wants to be in large groups or around people all the time. I’m very content with “me time” or my small number of friendships. Friendships to me are difficult. I always find myself wondering if my friends truly care due to many long time friendships ending. Those friendships ended due to turning points that took our lives in different directions. I always struggle with wanting that ONE best-friend that also calls me her best-friend. I’ve had that before but things change and paths change.  Becoming an adult can be hard and having a support system even harder. During my postpartum recovery I found that someone asking me to coffee actually made a world of difference. Becoming a mom can send you into a total different world of isolation that you didn’t necessarily ask for. It is much different than choosing to enjoy time alone. So Lindsey, thanks so much for our coffee date the other day, it really sparked some joy. My hope for other mamas is that you have a couple people that ask you out for coffee. Its quick, easy, you can take your little babe and you get your much needed caffeine.  Its the small things in motherhood that keep you going.

 

Transition from maternity leave to working mom

Until the birth of my little gum drop I never thought about not returning to work. Its expected these days to return to work. In the United States many don’t even have the luxury of having maternity leave. I am one of the lucky ones that was able to stay home paid for 12 weeks. My 12 weeks is coming to an end in 12 short short days. The days have flown by. The first few nights after bringing my sweet baby-girl home felt long. You’re up at all hours trying to feed your child on demand. You’re just trying to keep your head above water while you figure out how to take care of and respond to your little creation. There is no guide book to “mommin”. You have to go with the flow, follow your gut and take advice here and there.

Over all, after those first few nights were over the time started to fly at jet speed. As time dwindles down I find myself grasping for more time. Almost as if i’m reaching out and grabbing my shadow and it just falls through my hands. My baby will be almost three months when I return to work and before I know it she will be grown.  I never expected the transition from maternity leave to working mom to be emotionally taxing. I find it saddening that we often work more than we are tending to our children. We procreate and then are unable to truly raise our children to the best of our ability. Our ability is shaped and changed based upon the demands of the world. This makes me miss the Little House on the Prairie days. Women were able to tend to their homes, lived simple lives and raised their children. Men worked hard majority of the time doing manual labor and were the bread winners. I imagine back then there were different struggles to having a family but at least families were together more then they are now. I think even the definition of family has transformed since then. Most families are dysfunctional these days and the pride of having a family is far less. Millennial’s don’t even want to have children.

These days parents pay tons of money for child care at an early age and trust others to help raise our children. Children are not given enough time with their parents to learn, to grow and to love as best as they could. I’m all about having pride and being proud to be from the U.S.A, but other nations are far better when it comes to maternity leave. We have taken the family dynamic and shaped it to fit our greedy society. In return our families lack basic principles, children grow up in homes where they don’t receive the care they need because parents are struggling to maintain. Parents having multiple jobs or turning to illegal methods. Children in return being raised in chaos.

Financially being a SAHM is impossible for majority of us. It takes both parents to bring in income to ensure ends meet. I envy those that are able to buckle down and stay home with their children. This transition for me is not an easy one. I almost prefer birth over the pain of leaving my child everyday. Some women enjoy going back to work and need to for their sanity. Whatever you chose is great and is whats best for your family. I am pretty blessed to have my in-laws stepping up to help take care of my little gum drop but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I am not one of those moms excited to go back to “normal”. My normal has changed and I love being home with my child. I love my home and making it the best it can be.

 

Do you BOO and plan when you want to

Pregnancy is a wild ride. You go from finding out you’re expecting to popping out your big ole’ nugget pretty quickly. Although, some parts in between feel hella long. Over all though, each phase goes quickly  and you’re left with preparing for your little gum drop all at once. Well, that’s what some people do anyway.

I however am the overachiever/over-planner ridiculous too ambitious mom. I started planning from the moment I found out. I mean….. buying equipment for a fragile little bean needs to be well researched right? No one wants to put their baby in a death trap.

I have no regrets on starting the nursery during my first trimester. Some believe you shouldn’t due to the possibilities of tragedy.  That is totally understandable but I also believe that living with a negative outlook like that is for the devil himself. I say, LET YOUR EXCITEMENT SHINE. Buy the shit you want, shout to the heavens about how happy you are. If people find it annoying, are they really your people? That’s when the saying BYE FELICIA comes into play.

I had my nursery completed with all the big stuff and decor by the middle of my second trimester. I felt GREAT. I started early enough to get everything I wanted accomplished, to rearrange 596 times before the sweet baby girl arrived. I don’t regret starting early as pregnancy is tiring. Each day was a gamble of will I be so tired I don’t shower, fall into bed and forget all responsibilities or will I be deep cleaning my house while listening to overly loud ass shaking rap music?

I say, give yourself time over the 9 months to prepare. Don’t listen to some google/ old fashioned time line of ” Oh at the end of the second trimester you should begin….”.  I’m here to tell you that’s wrong sista. First of all that’s stressful. You’re starting to get large and in charge and have to put together an entire survival kit for babies that need about 1056 items to stay alive. NO THANKS.

Second, going into preterm labor or having medical issues are possible. I know multiple mamas that weren’t even able to attend their baby showers. Do yourself a favor and plan throughout your pregnancy adventure. Don’t listen to specific time frames and don’t be scared to buy that 12th blanket your baby wont use but you think is absolutely adorable.

Other things in between will need to be done like cleaning your home, going to work, preparing freezer meals for after birth. Everyday life happens and waiting until the end of pregnancy can cause chaos. Just like pregnancy is 9 months long, has many phases and changes EVERYTHING, give yourself some grace and space your planning out. It will all be perfect in the end without all the shouting, heart palpitations, and last minute shopping trips/ freak out sessions.

 

 

Mommin’ Since June 2019

I thought I knew what love was during the nine month stretch of pregnancy. The finding out phase, the excitement in sharing with my loved ones, the planning for my bundle of joy, and the growing of my once little tadpole into my sweet baby-girl. The feeling of being able to grow something so special and magical never left my mind. I never took for granted how lucky I was to be a woman able to carry such a precious gift. What I wasn’t prepared for was how much your love expands when that precious gift is no longer growing inside you. It’s almost as if your heart continues to expand, on the brink of exploding but never does. Labor and birth is quite possibly the most powerful love in this universe. In an instant my life was changed forever. Nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming emotions of holding and smelling your creation for the first time. It’s almost impossible to explain to those who haven’t become parents yet. No one can prepare you for it. It’s almost as if you’re in a tornado, a whirlwind of such powerful love that sucks you in until our time is over. Love like you’ve never experienced before, much different than loving your significant other.

I’m only a mama of one beautiful girl, but Id imagine having multiple children only makes your love grow that much bigger. How great it is to experience such a love that just continues to blossom? Everyday you think you can’t love them anymore than you already do, but the next day comes and you love them even more. My mommin’ journey has just begun and I can tell you it’s the best journey I’ve ever been on. My personality before my sweet girl arrived was far different. My emotions would vary day to day. Since her arrival, I embrace everyday with a smile and happiness that I’ve never had before. After all, children depend on their parents and need them to be happy. Mommin’ is different for everyone.

We all aren’t made the same nor have the same aspects to our lives. Mommin’ can be hard and isn’t always peaches n cream. For me however, I was only prepared for how hard it would be. Loved ones only talk about the long nights, the sleepless nights, the difficulties in raising a child. I want to shed light on the BEAUTY of being a mother. None of those negative/ tough things compare to the delight I feel. Sure, some days are harder than others but dwelling on the hardships do no one justice. I shout to the rooftops about my successes during this journey and it makes the hardest days seem dim and almost nonexistent. I’ve learned early in life that the attitude you hold dictates your outcomes and i’ll be damned if I let negativity ruin this incredible love.

If I could share anything with fellow mama to be’s it is to EMBRACE this new life. Change is hard and adjusting isn’t always easy but mama let this love grow and run like the wind with it. Screw the bad days, drink a glass of wine or two, curse if ya have too but remember you created life and that life is so worth it.